My husbands perspective of our vba3c

Great news, we’re pregnant again!!! Easy for me to say I guess considering that I’m not the one who will be uncomfortable for 9 months. But truthfully, I was thrilled. I must admit though, a bit humbled by the prospect of adding a 5th child to our already full quiver. But certainly excitement ruled the day. It was clear though that my wife didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm, at least not right away. I wasn’t really surprised though, considering that just months earlier my wife had experienced an unfortunate mishap during a spinal shot preceding her 3rd C-section. The anesthesiologist hit a nerve in her back causing her excruciating pain. In fact, for months after that cesarean delivery of our 4th child Alistair, she would often speak of that moment, describing the pain as severe as if someone had physically ripped her leg from her body! Wow! So I figured that she would certainly be thinking about this horrible experience now that we were just months away from baby number 5. 

The first time I heard the term VBAC I remember being a bit confused. What in the world is a VBA3C?  But then she explained. “Is that safe?” I asked. Heather spent hours and hours researching VBACs on websites, researching statistics, and had come to believe that compared to Cesarean deliveries, VBA3Cs were actually statistically safer. What an eye opening epiphany for me!! Because until that moment, I hadn’t really considered the prospect of losing my wife or unborn child (or both) during a delivery. I guess that I foolishly believed that casualties just didn’t really happen during deliveries in this day and age. But for the first time in all of our pregnancies, I began to worry, especially when she said that we would likely have to have a home birth. What? Where, on the sofa? 

A few days later, we visited our OB for our first appointment. We had been here before with our other children, but this time would certainly be unique. My heart was pounding waiting for him to enter our room. I so desperately wanted him to support the idea of a VBA3C, even though my wife had assured me that he wouldn’t. Regardless, I prayed. But his response to the VBA3C idea was a bit south of supportive. “Oh no, the baby will die, you will die, too dangerous!” he said in broken English. I was devastated! I knew at this point the only option was to either find a doctor that would deliver vaginally or go to a dreaded Midwife, what ever that was. 

The drive home from the OB was a quiet one. I was secretly hoping that my wife would change her mind about this whole VBA3C notion and agree to a C-section. Honestly, part of me was a bit frustrated. I know now looking back that I was fearful of losing her and or the baby, hearing “oh no, baby die, you die, too dangerous” reverberating in my brain. I assumed that her main motivation for the VBAC was to avoid another spinal. And selfishly part of me thought ‘toughen up’. Ridiculous I know, but the thought did cross my mind. Probably because I had bought into the doctors fear mongering. Bought into the notion that if you didn’t have a baby in a hospital you were taking an unnecessary risk. I don’t feel that way anymore. Regardless, it soon became clear that her motivation went much deeper than that. This was primarily a spiritual decision. She wanted to have this baby vaginally because that was the way the LORD had intended. 

Heather began searching the internet high and low for a Midwife that would assist us in our delivery. And as I would soon find out, there are even Midwives who won’t assist mothers who have had 3 previous Cesarean Deliveries for a VBA3C. Why? Because apparently they are too dangerous!! Great! Now I’m really starting to worry. In hind sight, I would give anything to have been supporting Heather at this point, but I wasn’t. I was too busy worrying, mostly secretly. 

So she finally finds a midwife, who by the way lives over 2 hours away. This just keeps getting better. She’s the only one who would assist us and was also available. She was nice, seemed very educated and confident. But honestly compared to our OB, she seemed like a witch doctor. Small dusty office, no fancy equipment, no blinking lights and beeping machines. (Boy was I ever indoctrinated. ) What I did see in that office though was something I hadn’t seen in a while. I saw my wife let her shoulders down. She seemed comforted and encouraged. So for that, if only for that moment, I was thankful. 

I guess it was during one of the first home visits with the Midwife when my emotions began to switch from fear, frustration, and worry to interest, optimism and intrigue. I think the tipping point was when I began to see how confident our midwife was in our inevitable birth plan success. She spoke as if there were no reasons to worry. No reasons to fear. She comforted me with her confidence. Plus, she mentioned that I would play a major role in delivering our son! That made me very happy. I had only been a passive observer in all of the other deliveries. So the idea of delivering my son was enticing!

“I think my water broke!” my wife exclaimed from the bathroom. Here we go!!! My wife was an amazing trooper! For two full days she struggled with strong debilitating contractions. Our home was suddenly filled to capacity with crunchy women rooting her on! Into the pool she’d go, then out again. We’d walk, we’d pray, we’d get back into the pool. This went on for two full days. My wife is an abnormally strong woman, so to see such exhaustion and doubt in her face was humbling. I could tell that the midwife was concerned, though still trying to be optimistic. But all that optimism came to an abrupt end around 8pm on the second night. The midwife comes into our bedroom where my wife is laying on the bed. She explained that our labor should be progressing a whole lot faster than it was. We had been laboring for two days and hadn’t dilated over 4cm. I was broken to hear her say “We may need to consider transferring you to a hospital”. I wasn’t broken so much because I necessarily wanted the home birth, but because I knew how much my wife wanted a VBAC home birth. I so desperately wished that for her, and me, but mainly her. 

The very next day, the midwife had gone home to get some rest,  yet my wife was still contracting heavily. All I’m thinking is “What do we do?”. My wife and I prayed, and cried, and spoke candidly over our options. I felt my wife looking to me to make the decision, but I was reluctant to do so realizing how much was on the line. For not only would we be giving up on the home delivery, but also the reality of another dangerous surgery almost certainly loomed over our heads. I just couldn’t continue to watch my wife suffer in agony any longer. We had to go in, come what may. So off we go. 

As the LORD would have it, we would get that VBA3C that we had so desired. Yet in His providence, it would take place not in our living room, but rather in a hospital bed. He blessed us with wonderfully caring nurses. He blessed us with an amazingly open minded and VBAC supportive doctor. And on Aug. 22 at 2:22 am He granted my wife the prayers that I knew that she had been praying from the beginning, a safe vaginal delivery of a beautiful healthy baby boy! And, as a little cherry on top, God ordained that I would still be able to deliver my son. :)

Hindsight being what it is, I see clearly now that God was always working for our good and His glory. I learned that my wife is an unbelievably strong woman. I learned that what most pregnant women really need is a warm voice in their ear saying “You can do this!”  whatever “this” may be. I learned that a vaginal birth is an amazingly beautiful experience to witness. I learned that midwives are not witch doctors, but are actually wonderful, educated, experienced people who will support your birth plan when nobody else will. I also learned that If I could give husbands out there a piece of advice when dealing with their pregnant wives it would be this: Support her decision, pray for and with her, rub her back and feet, and just be an optimistic voice of encouragement, trusting in our sovereign God to protect her and the baby. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves His church. 

Trust in the LORD with all of your heart

Lean not on your own understanding. 

But in all of your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will direct your path. - Proverb 3:5-6